my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
