3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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