you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
