JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
