WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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