You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
