this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
