there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
These tits shall not be calmed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
