Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
