Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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