I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
