My sheets look like a crime scene.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
