Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
