it was like eating out sand paper
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
