its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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