...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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