you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
why is half of my head shaved?
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