In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
