turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
