420 ftw
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
