Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
