So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
