I think my vagina is haunted
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
