if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
