the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
