I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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