do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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