He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
