she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
