Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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