Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
