A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
