Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
