I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
