Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
