I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
