apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
