That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
