This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
