There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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