You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
