Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
