So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize