she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she looked like the before picture.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
