Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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