Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize