Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
