The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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