Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
3pm strippers are depressing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
