omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
