Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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