the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
