Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
