Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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