I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
