I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
