come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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