Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
