I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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