Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Drake has all the answers
Someone stole a lamp last night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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