I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
