and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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