Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
