WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
