so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
