I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
