When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
