If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
