i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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