So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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