i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My liver just had a heart attack.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
