You smell like stripper and shame
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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