I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize